Monday, November 26, 2012

Change is Inevitable


Two words: Why stop?

The answer in two words: I’ve changed.

I’ve changed so much within the past five years. When I looked back at what I was writing during that time, it was as if I was reading something written by someone else. Someone who was younger. Someone who was more eager to please.

I’m not that person. Well, not really.

Writing used to come naturally to me. Now, I keep scrutinizing, rewriting, editing. It’s never been like that. I’ve changed. I hated the shiny plastic quality of the words I used. I have always spoken in clich├ęs, I still do, but in the past five years, I’ve lost whatever originality I had. It was like fitting other people’s words into my mouth.

Sometimes, in those in-between moments of consciousness and sleep, thoughts just flow into my head, a riotous mix of words and phrases and color. Each of them ready to burst out into words at the end of my fingertips. However, they didn’t look as delightful and sparkling as they had been during the night.
I wonder how many ideas I’ve lost because of that.

What I need perhaps, is a place to just recollect my thoughts and to learn how to write again. I also need to learn not to care what people think and just write. This isn't the place for it anymore. Which is ok.Things change, people change.

For that reason, I've taken down the previous posts. To leave them up seems dishonest, because I'm not entirely the same person who wrote those words five years ago. For that reason, it's time for me to start writing once more, with this new discovered voice and see where it leads.

And perhaps, someday, I’d look back at this new voice and realize once more, this time in amazement: I’ve changed.

Until then, thank you.