In which are things which I wish I could say

[mood| contemplative]
[music| Our Last Days as Children - Explosions in the Sky]




Has anyone ever had days when they felt like this? Tell me all about it.

In which I want a pure heart

[mood| annoyed]
[music| Whispering - Solo Piano Radio Station]

On an average day, my desk looks like this.


Still learning on the desk-management skills! Getting there soon!

Was studying this verse during CG last week:

He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious will have the king for his friend.
Proverbs 22:11

The question which came up was "What is a pure heart?"

Which got me thinking, We decided in the end, that if we have a pure heart, the rest of the other things will flow from there: the gracious speech, and many friends, because we become the person other people want to be around.

But the thing is, what is a pure heart? It doesn't mean that you're naive or innocent, but a heart which is big enough to show Jesus's love to all people. I honestly believe that all humans don't have pure hearts. It's human nature, the way we are. We concluded that purification of our hearts is not an instant process, it's something that requires constant refinement, and a close walk with Jesus.

I want a heart like that, a pure one. But there are times when I don't feel so pure hearted. There are times when I get so annoyed, so sarcastic, so fake, it's a wonder why my friends are still friends with me. At times, I just feel so cynical and jaded, I just want to give things up and walk away. I don't feel like loving anyone. Gracious speech does not become me during those times.

Have been praying that my heart will be refined, slowly, but surely. Also have been praying for God to grant me wisdom, when to raise my barriers, and when to lower them. I want a heart big enough for God's love to shine through to other people. I don't want to continue being the way I am. The thing is, am I sensitive enough to listen to God's voice?

In which are songs for a new world

[mood| hopeful]
[music| Opening - Songs for a New World ]

It's about one moment
That moment you think you know where you stand
And in that one moment
The things that you're sure of slip from your hand
And you've got one second
To try to be clear, to try to stand tall
But nothing's the same
And the wind starts to blow
And you're suddenly a stranger
In some completely different land
And you thought you knew
But you didn't have a clue
That the surface sometimes cracks
To reveal the tracks
To a new world

In which I long to stay the same to me

[mood| apathetic]

Is it possible to be a lawyer, and at the same time be honest, hold fast to your principles, hold on to your ideals and be generally a good person, and to not 'loose your soul' (as people say) in the process? Because there are times when I feel so young and green in comparison to my older, wiser and more cynical peers.

(In a way I am.)

In which I cannot sleep, and I talk about police corruption.

[mood| awake]
[music| Desolation Row - My Chemical Romance]


Got home at 9.30 last night, had dinner, showered, and promptly went to bed. Only to be plagued with fitful dreams that I was supposed to be revising a legal opinion someone called Renuka wanted me to send back by today, and for some reason, I could not scroll down, and kept reading the same line over and over again. Something about company directorships. And it was due tomorrow. Bolted up at 3am, thinking of excuses to hand in my work later.

Nope, not overworked. Not even a little bit. Not at all.

I've wanted to talk about corruption in Malaysia for some time already. Everyday the newspaper, the alternative media, the people talk about corruption. I've heard accounts of it from other people, it seemed that corruption happened only by hearsay, and to other people. I never thought that I would experience it firsthand. But I did, a week ago, and somehow, the anger and disappointment does not fade.

I wish I could rant and rave about it, but there are some things which are bound by confidentiality, but what I can say is this: the police are supposed to protect the people. But what they do is that they only protect the people who can afford to pay. Those who cannot are victimized instead.

This is not a situation where there are a few bad apples spoiling the barrel, it's a situation, where there is a rot, a decay in the system, and it's eating the fruit inside out. It's an infection festering in a wound. We don't need more policies to improve the system. What we need is to cauterize the wound, to cut out the rotten part of the system.

Perhaps it was too idealistic of me to think that justice will always prevail. But honestly, with the way things are now, it's difficult to see any improvements and changes in this country. The only hope I have right now, is in God's hands, and for His justice to come one day.

After all, the mills of God grind slowly, but they grind exceedingly fine.

EDIT: Thank you Inspector H for proving me wrong, and that there are good policemen around. Thank you for personally coming to get more information. Thank you for wanting to investigate futher. Thank you for protecting the people!

In which watching too much tv cannot be a good thing...

[mood| scared]
[music| Somebody's World - Rie Fu]


Doing a Criminal Minds season 4 marathon when I'm home alone for the weekend?
NOT A GOOD IDEA

It seems that all the crimes are committed in the house of the victims when she's home alone. It usually involves lots of blood due to blunt force trauma and the team killing the unsub.

NOT A GOOD IDEA AT ALL!!!

EDIT (2055): My neighbor is doing a mega karaoke session, bawling top hits for all the street to hear. It adds on to the creepy factor....

In which I will be so much more

[mood| hopeful]
[music| Glasgow Love Theme - Craig Armstrong]


Found this on LJSecret.


I believe it will happen for me. Someday soon.

In which features a new type of food!

[mood| hot]
[music| New Divide - Linkin Park]

This needs to be blogged about, because it is that awesome.

On the way to Gopeng last weekend, we stopped for lunch in a small town in Perak before heading to the camp site. Special thanks to Eng Chin and his family for recommending this to us!

Ladies and Gents, let me introduce the Famous 'Roti Ayam' (Chicken Bread?) from Jia Restaurant in Kampar.


It starts out looking like a normal loaf of bread. A little on the large side, you wonder why do they need to serve it on a platter. After that, you have to cut the bread open with a spoon. Like this:







By now, you're wondering what's the big deal. It's just bread on a dish. But wait! There seems to be something inside!





The waiter unwraps the package with a spoon and a paid of tongs...



And pulls the paper wrapping out....



And after unwrapping you find there's a delicious chicken curry inside of the bread!



You eat it by taking the pieces of bread which you've cut and dipping it into the curry. This is usually accompanied with rice, which is great to eat curry with. The curry is actually cooked, and then wrapped up in paper, before the package is wrapped up in dough and left to rise, before it is baked once more. My only complaint is that that there was not enough bread to go around with the curry, but still, you don't find the time to complain when you're stuffing your face with bread and curry. The bread is warm and fresh, whilst the curry is not too spicy, but enough to give it it's 'kick'.

It's like a Christmas present, where there are two presents in one package. Neat or what?

In which I try to be evasive

[mood| lazy]
[music| Between - Vienna Teng]

On Days Like These...

....when the sky is cloudy, after your afternoon cup of coffee, you sit down and face your PC, with your back to the window, and with piles and piles of paperwork scattered all over the place, like some bizarre landscape of hills and steps, colored blue, white, pink..

On days like these, you will find your mind drifting, to something, anything! The streets of Camden. The way the beach smells (of salty wood and mineral rich wind and sea). Or how pretty the sound of a page turning (the neat, sharp slice of sound in an otherwise empty room). On days like this you'd dream about obsidian eyes flecked with gold, about little boy Lotharios and perhaps, even remember the way a stolen kiss tastes, under the smoky skies of Budapest.

You remember people. People who know you skin deep and inside out. Recluses and Adventurers and Lovers and Comrades. Memories of their faces, their voices, their little quirks and fears will flit though your mind, almost like an old movie, but one where the pictures aren't constant, where the pictures change constantly and turn from color to sepia in time. People who you also never knew, but whom you touched hands with under the Hagia Sophia, but their smiles at any form of humanly contact you remember, as it blazes brightly in the recesses of your mind.

(You will try to imagine the People who you've yet to meet. On the streets of Oregon. Along the Sydney Harbor. Amongst the runs of Manchu Picchu. Their faces are blurred, their hair hazes of gold or bronze or jet, their skin caramel or pale.)

Whilst thinking, your fingers scribble phrases, scraps and snippets of poetry or song. You idly start tracing the words of Doone; with a ballpoint; on the palm of your hand: Teach me to hear mermaids singing, Or to keep off envy's stinging, And find, What wind, Serves to advance an honest mind. Your inky fingers do not bother you the way it usually does.

And on days like these, your mind wanders, and you long for things. For the rain to come, and to curl up with a good book on the sofa. Or for True Heroes and noble acts of knights. To hear your name called by a friend or the sun on your face. Or to leave the confines of the familiar and wander the streets of Kuala Lumpur with no aim, and yet to be truly satisfied with the world at your feet, knowing that you could have everything you ever wanted. You dream of the things to come, the events that will take place, and the safety you can find in the ivory tower of your imagination.

And whilst you dream, you are like a conch shell, wrapped in cotton wool and silk fragments. Safe, secured, isolated from the world. Not even the sound of rain beating steadily against your window can break you out of your reverie. You dream safely until reality creeps in.

A/N: You also forget about the latest file which your supervisor has given you and you will also give yourself a mental kicking for allowing yourself to procrastinate on it!! Especially when it's due tomorrow.

A/N2: Props if you can guess which poem of Doone that line is from. =)

A/N3: Mel! Stop Procrastinating!!!!!!!

In which is full of Smouldering

[mood| ditzy]
[music|Mistress Mable - The Fratellis ]

So yesterday, I watched North and South on DVD as a general pick-me-up from the Crap Predominating the Country (which I will write about when I am less angry, and am able to look at the whole thing objectively). And I encountered Richard Armitage, as brooding, byronic John Thornton. With a pronounced Northern accent.

I think I have just been given a whole new meaning to 'Smouldering'

*smoulder*

*smouuulderr*

*smoulderrrrrrrrrr*
Mel: *melts*

Someone tell me why do men not wear cravats anymore? Why? WHY???

In which my mouse is missing

[mood| confused]
[music| Canal Life - David Byrne]

Came in today to my room and turned on the PC, logged into the internet and everything.

Only to realize that my mouse was missing.

Am purely functioning on the keyboard right now.

Who took my mouse?!?

EDIT: Managed to call the IT department, and one of them came up with a brand new mouse for my PC. Everything's sorted out now.

In which I am Jonathan to your David

[mood| mellow]
[music| Jonathan David - Belle and Sebastian]

I cannot stop listening to this song right now. There's something soothing about listening to chromatic scales played over and over again. Despite the video being horribly hippie.

There's still room in my wooden horse for two
I was Jonathan to your David
You're still King

In which is filled with food (Part Second)

[mood| pleased]
[music| You and I - Chess]

So, moving on from one impromptu food escapade to another.

We knew that we wanted to go out on Saturday night. It just took us most of Friday night to decide where to go. We finally decided to drive around Kota Damansara, and found Okuchii!

(Places like these makes me glad that I'm working, and can afford to eat out more often.)

unagi rice with natto (fermented soya bean). Check out the RAW EGG in the middle of the natto!

Tamago Sushi

Soft Shell Crab

Tempura Set.

Chicken Don set

In which is filled with food (Part First)

[mood| chipper]
[music| White Shadows - Coldplay]

The only accurate word I can use describe last week was this:

FOOD-TASTIC

For obvious reasons of course.

Found a secret restaurant with no advertisements, no special lunch promotions, no name, and no one except a select few know of. Smack in the middle of town. Just a mere 10 minutes walk away from my office.

Where they:

1. Serve ice lemon tea you have to mix yourself.

the Tea, the Lemon Juice and the Sugar

The meal hasn't even started yet, and I've already spazzed out. Drank the tea before realizing that I had to mix in the lemon and sugar first. Like in Carl's Jr. only posher.

Ice Lemon tea = 1; Mel = 0


2. Bake pizzas with HUGE PIECES OF CAPSICUM ON IT.


There are things in life which, as adventurous as I am, will not do. Being a surrogate mother. Marrying a goat. Eating green capsicums on pizza. Don't be fooled by the fact that it looks like an open sandwich. It's really, really good. After you pick off all the capsicums, that is. Practically inhaled the pizza in less than 15 minutes. It was GOOD.


3. Do a decent looking unagi rice set


This will be one of the things I will be trying when I come here again. I just wonder if I can get them to sprinkle seaweed on top of the rice instead of fried garlic.


4. Have a birds eye view of the city.


Imagine eating whilst looking over this. At night. As they say, the view from the top always looks good.

5. Are open on weekdays only.


So what are you waiting for? Head over to the 24th Floor on Menara Maxis today. Don't forget to get a pass at the security counter before heading up!

In which ...

[mood| surprised]
[music| Beautiful Wreck - Shawn Mullins]


To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,
You turn every head but you don't see me.

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep and I'll put a spell on you.
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me.

In which is how God works

[mood| bouncy]
[music|Strange and Beautiful (I put a Spell on you) - Aqualung ]


Taken from Weili, who took this from Joel. I think this is beautiful. Happy Easter again everyone.

Once there were three trees on a hill in the woods. They were discussing their hopes and dreams when the first tree said, 'Someday I hope to be a great treasure chest. I could be filled with gold, silver and precious gems. I could be decorated with an intricate carving and everyone would see the beauty.'

Then the second tree said, 'Someday I will be a mighty ship. I will take Kings and Queens across the waters and sail to the corners of the world. People will feel safe in me because of the strength of my Hull.'

Finally the third tree said, 'I want to grow to be the tallest and straightest Tree in the forest. People will see me on top of the hill, look up to my branches, and think of the heavens and God and how close to them I am reaching. I will be the greatest tree of all time and people will always remember me.'

After a few years of praying that their dreams would come true, a group of woodsmen came upon the trees.

When one came to the first tree he said, 'This looks like a strong tree, I think I should be able to sell the wood to a carpenter, and he began cutting it down. The tree was happy, because he knew the carpenter would make him into a treasure chest.

At the second tree the woodsman said, 'This looks like a strong tree. I will be able to sell it to the shipyard...' The second tree was happy because he knew he was on his way to becoming a mighty ship.

When the woodsmen came upon the third tree, the tree was frightened because he knew that if they cut him down his dreams would not come true. One of the men said,' I don't need anything special from my tree, I'll take this one,' and he cut it down.

When the first tree arrived at the carpenters, he was made into a feed box for animals. He was then placed in a barn and filled with hay.. This was not at all what he had prayed for. The second tree was cut and made into a small fishing boat. His dreams of being a mighty ship and carrying Kings had come to an end.

The third tree was cut into large pieces, and left alone in the dark.
The years went by, and the trees forgot about their dreams.

Then one day, a man and woman came to the barn. She gave birth and they placed the baby in the hay in the feed box that was made from the first tree. The man wished that he could have made a crib for the baby, but this manger would have to do. The tree could feel the importance of this event and knew that it had held the greatest treasure of all time. Years later, a group of men got in the fishing boat made from the second tree. One of them was tired and went to sleep.. While they were out on the water, a great storm arose and the tree didn't think it was strong enough to keep the men safe. The men woke the sleeping man, and he stood and said 'Peace' and the storm stopped. At this time,the tree knew that it had carried the King of Kings in its boat..

Finally, someone came and got the third tree.
It was carried through the streets as the people mocked the man who was carrying it.

When they came to a stop, the man was nailed to the tree and raised in the air to die at the top of a hill. When Sunday came, the tree came to realize that it was strong enough to stand at the top of the hill and be as close to God as was possible, because Jesus had been crucified on it.

The moral of this story is that when things don't seem to be going your way, always know that God has a plan for you. If you place your trust in Him, God will give you great gifts. Each of the trees got what they wanted, just not in the way they had imagined.

We don't always know what God's plans are for us.. We just know that His Ways are not our ways, but His ways are always best..

In which it is Easter

[mood| grateful]
[music| How Deep the Father's Love for us - Sarah Sadler]

How Deep the Father's Love for us

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocing voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that helf Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I knoww that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Stuart Townend

In which I have to be still.

[mood| restless]
[music| A Lack of Color - Death Cab for Cutie]


These days, I frequently find myself waiting impatiently for something. It doesn't come.

And there are fits of restlessness, where I feel there's an itch deep in my soul, which tells me that there is so much more to come, and life is so much more than just this. Something screams in me, something revolts at the idea of just standing still, in this stagnancy, the humdrum routine, and just to run, and run and run and not look back and do something (what?).

(It's the thought of stagnancy and mediocrity that wakes at 3am, scares me the most.)

Lately, my thoughts whir around my head, incessantly, buzzing, humming telling me that I am still young, and healthy and filled with so much potential and there are things which need doing and are waiting for me to achieve them. There are so many places I could go, so many things I could do and so many people to meet, I want to scream with frustration and impatience because I want those things now, rather than to wait for them.

I see things happening in other people's lives, and I envy them for it. And I wish, and wish, and wish that it happened to me also. Is it too much to ask if it happened to me now, instead of 5, 10, 15 years later? Or what if it never happened?

(I apologize. I've never been good at waiting.)

Especially not for what will be happening. I need some kind of clue, some form of validation that it will happen, and soon, despite the rush of this crazy routine, or the hasty sips of coffee and these damn tears that prickle, that this is not all Life has to offer. And I have to know if it's waiting me around the corner, or am I just chasing something invisible and elusive, like the wind?

I wish I knew.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

In which I wish I could go to court

[mood| disappointed]
[music| Don't Stop Me Now - Queen]


I was supposed to go to the Magistrates court today to present a matter for one of the lawyers but I couldn't go because I have not gotten my magistrate locus yet.

I really, really wanted to go.

=(

I guess only law students will understand this.

In which is what we did during Earth Hour

[mood| content]
[music| Braille - Regina Spektor]

So earth hour came and went. Couldn't help feeling skeptical/cynical about what it actually achieved. Don't get me started on how it actually raise awareness, and the importance of voting against global warming, and how this can save earth. As far as I was concerned, it doesn't. It's just a publicity stunt and a cover for greater marketing gimmicks.

Like discounted coffee at Starbucks.

Seriously, just give us coffee and some cake, and we're happy people.

XA is happy.


Kevin was happy.

So was Cindy. And she didn't even eat anything other than a mouthful of cake! ^_^

In conjunction with earth hour, Starbucks was giving a discount on all food and drinks bought by customers from 8.30-9.30. Which is a really good marketing gimmick, because people think they're supporting the environment and all by buying a drink and sitting around in the dark to drink it. Don't look at me, I'm just in it for the coffee.

Will and his muffin.

It was initially a bit disappointing, as it was still quite bright at Starbucks. (We were sitting opposite, staring at Nandos as they started switching off the lights and handing out tealights).
Maybe it was because we were sitting underneath the lights, and I had brought a little candle along, which was rendered redundant because it was still quite bright.

it was still quite bright in Starbucks

But the Coffee. Oh, the coffee.

zombie with a caramel machiatto

All in all? An hour well spent.