Two words: Why stop?
The answer in two words: I’ve changed.
I’ve changed so much within the past five years.
When I looked back at what I was writing during that time, it was as if
I was reading something written by someone else. Someone who was
younger. Someone who was more eager to please.
I’m not that person. Well, not really.
Writing used to come naturally to me. Now, I
keep scrutinizing, rewriting, editing. It’s never been like
that. I’ve changed. I hated the shiny plastic quality of the words I
used. I have always spoken in clichés, I still do, but in the past five
years, I’ve lost whatever originality I had. It was like fitting other
people’s words into my mouth.
Sometimes, in those in-between moments of
consciousness and sleep, thoughts just flow into my head, a riotous mix
of words and phrases and color. Each of them ready to burst out into
words at the end of my fingertips. However, they didn’t look as
delightful and sparkling as they had been during the night.
I wonder how many ideas I’ve lost because of that.
What I need perhaps, is a place to just
recollect my thoughts and to learn how to write again. I also need to
learn not to care what people think and just write. This isn't the place for it anymore. Which is ok.Things change, people change.
For that reason, I've taken down the previous posts. To leave them up seems dishonest, because I'm not entirely the same person who wrote those words five years ago. For that reason, it's time for me to start writing once more, with this new discovered voice and see where it leads.
And perhaps, someday, I’d look back at this new voice and realize once more, this time in amazement: I’ve changed.
Until then, thank you.
