recumbent][music When You Were Young (acoustic) - The Killers ]
Tonight, just for tonight, I’m sitting at my messy desk, listening to Brandon Flowers sing about burning down the highway skyline on the back of a hurricane that started turning when he was young. Tonight, I just want to be alone, to listen to the same song on repeat, and just think about things.
This week has been a training in excess for my stomach. Weirdly enough, I have probably eaten more in the past week than I have in the past two months. I am not exaggerating, though I try to convince myself that it is normal at this time of the year (they tell me that a family that eats together, stays together right?) Sometimes I battle it out with the tempting biscuits by way of staring competitions and I end up loosing and reaching for the bak gua instead. And I feel ten times worse later by talking to really fit and health conscious vegetarians on how bad health supplements are on the kidneys.
Anyway.
Life has this way of throwing hardballs at you one after another, at the same time, without time for you to actually pause to catch your breath or recalibrate. I’ve just seen, how frail my daddy is, how old my grandparents are, how truly nasty the corporate world can be, how easy it is to acclimatize for the sake of acceptance, at the end of the day values like virtue or honesty and integrity are not worth a thing where money is involved, how there are stretches where you have so much to do accompanied by crippling migraines and how insanely difficult to maintain court professionalism when you’re shaken and just a hairbreadth away from just loosing it and freaking out.
But the strange thing is, the Oprah breakthrough moment thing is, there is balance in the chaos. There is some sort of equilibrium, when I get thrown off, or when bad things happen, I found that the worse times were also the best times for me. I realized how much and how hard I love, and how much, and how much and how hard and how deep that the people around me love me and thinking how absurdly lucky/blessed I am because of that (I don’t care what you say, I believe in both luck and blessing and what more, there’s no conflict between the two).
An example, when I got hit by another car who could not stop on time, resulting in a cracked bumper and a car boot which won’t open (and will probably need a massive hammering out). But, I suffered nothing worse than a broken nail (broken on the steering wheel, don’t ask.) And when the news got out, the subsequent phonecalls/texts/emails/facebook messages were so concerned, and kind and loving that by the end of the day I was about to cry from the gratefulness that I had so many people who cared.
Basically, it’s hard to get thoroughly depressed when you’re surrounded by so many things to be thankful for. And I am thankful for that. I’m not saying that all the problems and hardballs have gone away, in fact, some are looming up, more frighteningly than before. But what I am trying to say is, at the end of the day. There will always, always, or-your-money-back-guaranteed-type-of-always something for you to be grateful for.
I also can’t help thinking how colourful life is, and how much more lovely it will be, if we were all more unconsciously kind to each other.
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