In which is the last post of 2010

[mood thoughtful]
[music We Still Kill the Old Way - Lost Prophets]

Wow 2010 is at an end. That’s a decade of my life.

I had entered the new millennium as 14 year angsty, rebellious teenager. I leave the first decade of the new millennium at 24 – a dreamy, but slightly cynical young adult. It’s weird, I feel different. I talk different. I think different. I even look a little different (but thankfully it’s a good kind of different). But the main point is, I feel different.

Look we've all been searching for the five doppelgangers, right? But eventually, over time, we all become our own doppelgangers, you know, these completely different people who just happen to look like us.
~How I met Your Mother, Season 5 – Doppelgangers.

Maybe the price we have to pay for growing up is letting go of some dreams, make sacrifices, and just...change in order to grow as a person. It could be for the worst, it could be for the better. Who can tell? Maybe by letting go of some things we open ourselves for better things in the future. Maybe by sacrificing dreams we loose a part of our self. Maybe certain actions of ours right now could negatively impact our lives in the next 10 decades. Who can tell?

Hindsight has always been 20-20 vision. I entered 2010 feeling miserable about a boy, upset about a friendship, and terrified of work. At the end of 2010, I can say with conviction I wouldn’t have changed anything about events that took place this year. I’d take the insane highs and the violent lows of the year again in a heartbeat and do it all again. Every. Single. Minute.

So. Thus endeth a decade. This chapter is closed. There are still unresolved issues that threaten to spring out on me and eat me alive in the new decade, but that’s for another day. What better way than to close the book with a list of 10’s?

10 Serious Things I learnt in 2010:

1. That the cliché holds true; Trust once broken can never be regained again.
2. To sort out the important from the urgent. Something I’m still learning.
3. To set boundaries; when to open my heart to people, and when to withdraw. Also, still learning how to do this.
4. How Fear petrifies, punishes and paralyzes us. Fear of what others may do to us. Fear of what we cannot do for others. Fear of what God or people may do to us if we do or not do for others.
5. That I have a serious problem with just surrendering. I feel a constant need to be in control of everything, and prepare several contingency plans for all the “what-ifs” that happen. And that I cannot go on like that.
6. To recognize potential in others, and to learn not to let jealousy take over, but instead, to try channel that potential to achieve great things.
7. To let go of the petty. Things which bothered me years ago would not affect me today.
8. To give. And not expect anything in return. Still learning.
9. There is a need for me to learn how to be a more compassionate and kind person.
10. To drive properly.


Here’s to 2011. It’s going to be amazing.